Thanks to the holiday, you’re getting a zillion reminders to be grateful, to count your blessings and to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
I want to add one more – but without the traditional, Hallmark-style sentimentality.
I urge you to cultivate an attitude of tough-gratitude that won’t wear off as your turkey’s digesting.
Be grateful not only for your life’s blessings, but for all your problems.
The medical problems driving you to improve your lifestyle health habits so you feel younger and stronger next year.
The financial strains and limitations forcing you to save money, pay off debt, work harder to earn more money and to seek out more information on how to invest.
The people in your life who irritate the living blazes out of you, who don’t appreciate how much you’ve done for them, and even for those who are breaking your heart.
Gratitude Improves Your Physical, Mental and Emotional Health
That’s been proven by scientific studies and experiments.
In 2012, the journal Personality and Individual Differences published a study proving grateful people felt fewer physical aches and pains.
People who rank higher in gratitude report fewer digestive problems, headaches, respiratory infections, stomachaches, runny noses and dizziness.
It also showed grateful people take better care of their health. They are more likely to get regular exams and to exercise more.
Maybe They’re Just Grateful Because They’re Healthier
That’s a valid, scientific objection to these studies. Maybe the people who express more gratitude do so simply because they do have better than average health.
That’s a question a psychological researcher should ask, but not us everyday people.
Haven’t you known people who complain about the pettiest problems even though they live in a big house in a wealthy neighborhood, are healthy and have a loving spouse? They’re better off than 99% of Americans and 99.9999% of the entire world, and yet they focus on the negative.
I have a friend who works at his local airport pushing people in wheelchairs to and from their flights. All of his customers suffer from health problems that limit their ability to walk for long distances. Many of them express great appreciation for his service. Others just gripe and complain. (He reminds himself to feel grateful he can push a wheelchair for miles every day even though he’s older than many of the people in them.)
Don’t Dying People Have the Most to Complain About?
When Stan Goldberg was told he had prostate cancer, he spent three months in bed watching reruns of Law and Order.
When he noticed that didn’t help him face his fear of dying, he volunteered to work at a hospice. He spent two years at the Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco, and another six years at other such institutions.
Now he’s living a busy life as a writer, speaker and workshop presenter.
The Reality Is, You Experience More of What You Focus On
Focus on the negatives of life, and you’ll find plenty of reasons to feel depressed and grumpy. They exist, beyond doubt.
Focus on the positives, and you’ll find plenty to give thanks about.
There is no clear-cut, objective scale with which to measure how “good” or “bad” our lives are.
No matter who you are and what your problems are, you can spin a story you tell yourself and other people about why your life is “good” or “bad.”
That’s Why I Want You to Be Grateful for Everything, Especially the Worst
Practice what writer Pam Grout calls “ferocious” gratitude.
Your taxes are too high? You have income to tax.
Washington DC politicians are divided? The United States is still a democracy where people have the right to disagree with each other.
Too many people are entering the country illegally? The United States is still a country people want to move to.
People are becoming addicted to opioids, and overdosing on them? That’s driving the legalization of CBD oil.
You’re overweight? You’re not starving.
Your loved one died or is dying? This can’t be sugar-coated, it’s tough. But you can remember and celebrate the good times. Loving them and being loved by them made you a happier person. You can focus on coming to terms with your own mortality.
Two Practices to Make Ferocious Gratitude a Habit
One:
I owe this one to Pam Grout (and you should read her book Thank and Grow Rich).
Start off every day – before you even jump out of bed – telling yourself something amazingly awesome is going to happen to you today.
Two:
Everyone advises keeping a gratitude journal – because it works. Before you go to sleep every day, write down three things that went well for you that day. And don’t repeat. It’s fine to be grateful today because the air is full of oxygen (it wasn’t always!), but don’t repeat that again.
That will get you into the habit of every day noticing on good things.
You start your day with the expectation of experiencing joy and magic, and finish with writing about the good things you did receive that day.
Absolutely include your problems, because they are motivating you to grow by solving and surpassing them.
