They’re a joke.
Nobody expects you to keep them – least of all, you.
Yet people keep making them and talking about them. The beginning of a new year is a natural time to reflect on how you screwed up 2019 and want to have a better 2020.
And I don’t want you to spend money joining a health club, only to stop going after two workouts. That’s just so predictable, it’s their business model. Everybody in the health club business knows they’ll be busy in January, but not afterward.
They sell ten times as many memberships as people they can fit inside the club. They know by February only about 10% of their members will show up on a regular basis.
But I want you to do better in 2020 than you did in 2019 – just as I plan to make 2020 a much better year than 2019 was.
I want you to have better health, more wealth and loving, satisfying relationships with your family and friends.
So, What’s Wrong With New Year’s Resolutions?
They’re not “wrong,” but they’re the wrong thing to focus on. They’re too much like goals.
They’re often too specific. (Lose 30 pounds by June.)
Or not specific enough. (Become a much better husband.)
And they’re too inflexible. It’s June and you’ve lost only 5 pounds, so you give up, right?
Or: you spend more time with your wife, but the two of just argue more.
You Need to Change Your Identity
Most Americans do need to lose 30 pounds (including me), but that doesn’t mean starving yourself for a few months, then going back to your old diet. Look at the Biggest Loser TV show. Almost all of them have regained much or all of the weight they lost.
You need to become the type of person who loses excess weight in a healthy way, and keeps it off in a healthy, sustainable manner.
Changing your life is not about a short term sacrifice you then throw away (by returning to your bad old habits).
It’s about changing your identity, so you become the person who lives the better life you want and deserve.
You change your identity by changing what you do on a daily basis – your habits.
You want to lose 30 pounds or have washboard abs you can show off?
If you insist on clinging to the old habits that made you overweight, you might as well as accept the unwanted pounds of flab on your waist.
You’ll need to change how you eat and exercise. Not just for a few months, but for the rest of your life.’
You must learn what to eat and what to not eat, and so on – and do that every day.
You need new habits.
That’s what it’s all about.
Habits Establish Your Identity
That also keeps you from quitting.
You can’t quit because it’s who you are. You exercise because you have the habit of exercising on a regular basis because you’re an exerciser. Not because you signed up for a gym membership and then got bored.
You don’t get bored with your identity.
You don’t go back to bad old habits because you don’t reach an arbitrary number by an arbitrary date. If you haven’t lost 30 pounds by June you don’t go back to eating pizza for breakfast.
You continue in the right direction because eating healthy is now your habit because it’s now your identity.
And if you do lose 30 pounds by June, you don’t celebrate by eating an entire chocolate cake. You don’t gain the weight back by December.
Define What You Want
Then think of what you need to do to achieve that life.
That is, determine the changes you must make to your daily and weekly activities.
* Don’t eat anything after 7 PM
* Skip the late movie and go to bed by 11:00 so you get 8 hours of sleep
* Spend at least 30 minutes every evening cycling on your indoor exercise bike
* Arrange with your spouse to go out on a date every Tuesday evening
* Hug your child at least once every day
Those are just examples. Do what suits you. Right now, you may not know everything you need to know. That’s okay – make time to do the research you need.
Visualize Your New Life
This may be the most important part. Maxwell Maltz emphasized it in his classic book PSYCHOCYBERNETICS.
Spend time every day visualizing yourself doing those activities you realize must become habits. Watch yourself as though sitting in a movie theater.
* You snack on a delicious apple, then feel full and satisfied.
* You write the check to pay off your final credit card bill.
* Your spouse and kids smile with joy when you come through the door.
* You run a few miles before dinner.
* You give a terrific presentation at work, and your boss congratulates you.
Don’t make New Year’s resolutions. Change how you see yourself so you automatically live the life you desire.
Reaching your goals is a natural byproduct of forming the right habits.
